Jealousy - The Unchecked Pandemic

As you journey through life, you encounter a steady stream of people complaining that others are jealous of them, and that this jealousy had resulted in them falling sick or losing something or someone of value. People all over the world regularly perform rituals to remove the “evil eye”. But are only others jealous of us or are we jealous of them too? 

Jealousy is a completely absurd and illogical state of mind and the more absurd and destructive its manifestation, the more and more rampant it gets, until you realise it is just an exalted few who have natural immunity from this terrible global pandemic, for which there is no known vaccine.

If a woman is happily married, her friends are jealous. If her “happy” marriage breaks down and she is divorced and alone, the same people are even more jealous of her newfound freedom. There is no sympathy for her predicament, just uncontrolled rage. Technically, this jealousy should dissolve if the woman remarries, because she is now back in the same boat as them. But no. No respite. Jealousy stands tall - fierce, unconquerable. The pain point now is: why did she find a better partner? Why was she bestowed this happiness? The Jealous do not realise that they have many relationships and material comforts that this woman doesn’t, but it has not made them happy. So even if they, too, were to be bestowed with a better partner, they are not likely to be happy with that either.

If you are not happy with what you have today, you are unlikely to be happy with what you could have or will have tomorrow.

Many more ridiculous examples abound. But the problem with jealousy is that it is not just confined to a feeling. People go to great lengths to punish those they are jealous of. Milder forms include ignoring people when they are talking or when they are sharing their happiness or achievements. Deeper reactions include snubbing and humiliating people in public. Malicious gossip, character assassination, ostracisation, isolating individuals by spoiling all their relationships, even killing them or their loved ones - these are all the darker aspects of jealousy.

Good looks, intellect, character, generosity, even saintly and loving dispositions invite jealousy. People you respect, people that you go out of your way to help, will also be resentful and jealous because they feel you have too much to give, while they know their own hearts are too barren to reciprocate in any way. 

Parents can be jealous of their own children and children can be jealous of their parents. This is confounding and painful knowledge for those who do not experience the pangs of jealousy within themselves. Such people are often perplexed when anger is directed at them whenever they accomplish something or when they look good or share some happiness with someone close. Surprisingly, the world is never angry when we actually do something wrong, always when we do something good. This is the ugly face of jealousy - a harsh reality that one has to accept in order to confront and battle its onslaught.

Admiration and jealousy are two sides of the same coin, just as love and hate are two sides of the same coin. Jealousy is admiration turned sour - an admission of defeat, an acknowledgement that you can never be what you admire. 

Jealous individuals are jealous because they have very low self worth. They have low self worth because they do not have the courage to accept themselves and love themselves as they are. If they did, they could not be jealous at all. The low self worth makes them foolishly competitive. They try to generate self worth through materialistic acquisitions, which cannot contribute to happiness at all. In fact, making material success a parameter of superiority and spewing jealous reactions whenever they encounter a contented and accomplished person, only pushes them deeper into self loathing. 

If you enjoy the way you dress, you will not be jealous of another person, however well dressed. If you are brilliant at your work, you would enjoy the company of other competent people, because you know such people are a rare treasure and it is a miracle that you even met them in the first place. 

The truth is that we are all unique beings, meant to celebrate, even enhance that uniqueness, rather than just being poor copycats of those that we idolise.

Self worth is only generated by understanding and accepting yourself as you are, while working systematically towards an enhancement of qualities, skills and talents. Nothing else. It is even independent of other people’s endorsement or labels of how they perceive us.

Since jealousy is a negative emotion, it does wear us down. It is more harmful for the perpetrator than it is for the victims. The victim may be blissfully unaware of who is jealous of them, which is a kind of protection, while for the jealous person, their jealousy is like an obsessive addiction that keeps them forever tied to the object of their jealousy. If you forsake your own jealousy, you will be ridding yourself of a very big and unnecessary burden. So be merciful to yourself and let the jealousy go.

“As iron is eaten away by rust, so the envious are consumed by their own passion” ~ Antisthenes

“There is a life not touched by hate, anger, jealousy and envy. To come upon it, one has to have great energy”. ~ J. Krishnamurti

In summary, we must choose the path to greater energy by forsaking all baser emotions that contribute to self destruction. The only person one should compete with, is oneself. We are all a work-in-progress, a project with no limits and no time barriers. And in constantly working towards a better version of oneself, there is so much joy and so little time to notice others, leave alone to be jealous of them. 

You may write to Shalini Singh at [email protected] | You can also follow her on Substack: https://shalinisinghscribe.substack.com/

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